Well, I’m pretty certain our calculated 3-6 fans back in July has dwindled down to 0-.3 fans, so I’m not really sure who I’m writing this to. I suppose I’ll post this just so anyone lost traveler who happens to stumble upon this website while searching for porn and likes what he sees is aware of its current condition. In all likelihood, no human being will ever read this post, so I might as well be writing it to God.
Dear God,
Remember, 7 months ago, back when I was just a squeaky-voiced teenager with no real problems, the time I came running up to you with that goofy smile on my face, just bursting to tell you the news, that the long-in-development website to be run by Karlton Hickey, Michael Dankanich, Shane Garrity, and myself was finally coming to fruition? You sat me on your lap and gave me three pats on the shoulder - I remember that because you hit me a little too hard and it stung for a while. You said, “Son, I’m proud of you. I know it will be a tremendous website.” I asked if you meant it, and you assured me yes.
Well, we haven’t really spoken since, and I’m afraid I’ve let you down. That first month didn’t go so well, but I just kept telling myself that things would pick up soon. It was just a shaky beginning, we’d find out footing in no time. Well, that didn’t happen. The failure that was Weezer Month was my first indication that things would not be so bright and shiny in ElCycleVille.
The months following saw few ElCycle endeavors live up to expectations. The “Movie Pick” lasted a short time before experiencing a hiatus. The podcasts continued, despite a shaky month during the summer (but not one that could be blamed on anyone), yet it never was quite what it should have been. Each one should have been a fun, humorous, and short audio transmissions from the four of us. Instead, they went on for hours on end, nothing but a bunch of inane musings from a bunch of inane kids. The comics were unfunny and sporadic at best. And the consolidation of the Cinema Reviews and the Video Game reviews produced nothing significant.
In recent months, things got even worse. The movie picks continued thanks to the endless fountain of b-movie wisdom that is Mike Dankanich. But the song picks, long the only reliable feature of the website, lost a contributer. I was forced to make song picks for Karl, as he was too lazy. The podcasts experienced multiple month-long hiatuses, the comics virtually died out, and none of our individual blogs featured any significant amount of output. Of course, the chat and the forums had died long ago.
We’re currently wrapping up song picks. The final set should go up in around a week. I have written a brief diatribe to precede that last batch, so if you’ve enjoyed the sentences in this post you’ll enjoy the sentences in that one. The podcast is expected to wrap up with one final recording in the next month or so. Expect no more movie picks, and probably no more posts in the multifarious or music blog.
But we’re not fully dead. Not yet at least. Ideally, although I make no promises, we will record another podcast in May or June and then maybe a new one whenever we have a break from college. As for our individual blogs, that is entirely up to each founder whether or not he wants to continue. I, for one, intend to keep posting in my blog whenever I have anything good to say. And a new post could certainly wind up in the multifarious or music blogs, especially if Shane ever finishes that review of The Reel Big Fish’s Our Live Album Is Better Than Your Live Album. The ElCycle chat will continue, but only for Mike and Ethan.
I write this, God, as an apology. I apologize that ElCycle.org wasn’t everything it could have been. I don’t know how much of its failure was my fault and how much was other people’s, but I will accept all responsibility for its downfall. Every night I fall asleep replaying those words you said to me. “I’m proud of you. I know it will be a tremendous website.”
If only, God.
If only.
Yours truly,
Zachary L. Haldeman
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